Running Scared
Well it's back to the AM grind on Monday which I'm back to that familiar mix of excitement and scared shitless. I can honestly say I have never been so confuse in all my life about wether I wanted to do something or not. On one hand I love animation and as my family and friends will tell you I never shut up about it. On the other hand I can never seem to get started on my work, I sit their procrastinating about it and I'm soooo apprehensive to actually do anything when it gets to the computer stage (It's not technical phobia either trust me).
I've thought about this alot and I think this is derived from my uncontrollable competitive side. The problem is this is not a competitive sport, there is no winner or loser and there is never a finish line!! I can't sustain a career in animation comparing myself to others and only trying to push myself past their level for competitive edge.
So I think I need a perspective change. This term it's not going to be about competing it's not about keeping up with everyone it's just going to be about creating (Well this is the plan anyway). I figure if I can solely focus on creating something for me, something that I enjoy and enjoy the process and not always be focused on the finished product I will feel much better about my work and not be so concerned about where it fits in on a larger scale.
It may be difficult for some people to understand this competitiveness but it is something ingrained into who I am and changing who you are is not any easy thing to do.
I am happy to say though that during the first term I managed to overcome my competitiveness when it came to feedback and generally socialising, it may be hard for many of you to imagine but my first instinct is just to see everyone as the opposition as people I had to beat. This is wrong, this is not the path to creativeness and so I did my best to cast this aside and I tried to be helpful and supportive and I think all the support and friendship I received in return really taught me a valuable lesson.
So onward new day of non competitiveness and community sharing!! Oh yes and of less procrastinating and worry :D
I've thought about this alot and I think this is derived from my uncontrollable competitive side. The problem is this is not a competitive sport, there is no winner or loser and there is never a finish line!! I can't sustain a career in animation comparing myself to others and only trying to push myself past their level for competitive edge.
So I think I need a perspective change. This term it's not going to be about competing it's not about keeping up with everyone it's just going to be about creating (Well this is the plan anyway). I figure if I can solely focus on creating something for me, something that I enjoy and enjoy the process and not always be focused on the finished product I will feel much better about my work and not be so concerned about where it fits in on a larger scale.
It may be difficult for some people to understand this competitiveness but it is something ingrained into who I am and changing who you are is not any easy thing to do.
I am happy to say though that during the first term I managed to overcome my competitiveness when it came to feedback and generally socialising, it may be hard for many of you to imagine but my first instinct is just to see everyone as the opposition as people I had to beat. This is wrong, this is not the path to creativeness and so I did my best to cast this aside and I tried to be helpful and supportive and I think all the support and friendship I received in return really taught me a valuable lesson.
So onward new day of non competitiveness and community sharing!! Oh yes and of less procrastinating and worry :D
posted by Kate at
2:53 PM
3 Comments:
Right on Kate. I felt the exact same way, and still do from time to time. I really want to enjoy every step of my animation.
Nice post!
By
Anonymous, at 4:00 AM
Wow, new non-competitive Kate... I will help you in your quest by challenging you to things and then watching the vein throb in your head as you force yourself to resist... For your own good of course... It's for practise!
By
Anonymous, at 6:20 PM
HAHAHAHA you wish, sorry to say unless you take up animation I'm going to do my very best to kick your arse at everything we do!!
Past experience would leed me to belive that this will never be a difficult task : D
By
Kate, at 9:01 PM
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